


Even the Darkest Night Will End and the Sun Will Rise

by lohn_jaurens



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, M/M, Panic Attack, i make thomas jefferson suffer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-11
Updated: 2016-09-11
Packaged: 2018-08-14 12:20:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8013514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lohn_jaurens/pseuds/lohn_jaurens
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thomas has a breakdown</p>
            </blockquote>





	Even the Darkest Night Will End and the Sun Will Rise

**Author's Note:**

> So there are explicit references to a previous suicide attempt and Thomas has a panic attack, and if you're bothered by that please take care of yourself. Sacrificing your mental health for a dumb fic isn't worth it. This was essentially me projecting onto a founding father so.
> 
> Title is from Les Mis

The teacher was droning on and on, but Thomas wasn’t paying attention to her. He was staring at the empty seat in front of him that usually sat his best friend James. Thomas couldn’t figure out why Jemmy wasn’t there, and the only conclusion that he could come up with was that Jemmy was finally sick and tired of him, and so he skipped class instead of continuing to be annoyed by Thomas.

There are many different words that people would use to describe Thomas Jefferson. Arrogant, loud-mouthed, opinionated, confident. All of these adjectives were only a façade that Thomas put up to hide who he really was. He really was anxious, depressed, suicidal, empty.

The only person who knew that about Thomas was James. He had always been there. He was there through Thomas’ parents nasty divorce. He was there when Thomas swallowed a bottle of pills when they were fifteen. He was always there.

He wasn’t here now.

Thomas had seen James during first period economics and couldn’t understand why he wasn’t in fifth period English.

He has mentioned to James that morning that he wasn’t having a good mental health day. James must’ve had enough and finally left Thomas alone.

_That's because he hates you. He finally grew tired of all your shit._

AP Lit wasn’t the best place for Thomas to have a panic attack, but his mental illness always decided to rear its ugly head at the worst possible times. Thomas felt like he couldn't breathe, like his chest was full of cement and it was just too hard to respire anymore. His head was spinning, the edges of his vison he becoming blurry, and he thought that if he tried to focus on anything, he could collapse.

He was so focused on trying not to hyperventilate, that he didn’t notice that the dismissal bell had rung. He didn't notice that everyone was leaving until Alex Hamilton decided to come up and tap on his shoulder.

“What the hell is wrong with you? You didn't ev-” he cut himself off mid-sentence when Thomas looked up and Alex got a clear look of Thomas’ face. He must've looked like a mess, because that's what he is. He was a big fucking mess.

_Everyone would just be better off without you._

Alex opened his mouth to say something, but Thomas didn’t hear it because it felt like all the air in the room had been sucked out and he couldn't breathe. He needed to get air in his lungs, but he couldn’t get any. He couldn’t breathe. He abruptly stood up, causing Alex to take a step back. Thomas’ eyes were wide, and he bolted out of the room as fast as he can.

_All you do is run from the problems. Why are you such a piece of shit?_

He found himself in the bathroom closest to his Lit class, and shoved his way into one of the stalls, locking the door and sliding down to the floor. He pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapped his arms around his legs, buried his face into his knees and started to sob.

_Everything's your fault. You're such a fuck up. You're not dead because you fucked that up._

He hated himself so much. Why did he always make everything all about himself? That’s why all of his friends – his friend – hated him. That’s why he was all alone.

He heard the bathroom door open, and tried to quiet his sobs.

“Thomas?” Alexander Hamilton’s voice was probably the softest Thomas had ever heard it. He took a deep breath before speaking, trying not to let his voice sound as weak as he felt.

“G-go away Alex.” It didn’t work, and he sounded pathetic.

_You’re so worthless and pathetic, Alex just pities you._

“Thomas, please come out.” Thomas looked underneath the stall door and saw Hamilton just sitting on the floor outside of the stall, leaning up against the wall. He didn’t want to come out, he didn’t want Alex to see how disgusting he was. So he just didn’t respond to Alex, and just continued to let silent tears slide down his cheeks. He heard Alex sigh, and then heard the sound of his backpack unzipping.

“Do you want some cracker toffee?” Alex asked

“Wh-what?” Thomas’ voice cracked mid-sentence.

“My mom made cracker toffee and put it in my backpack this morning. It uh, crackers, caramel, and chocolate. It’s really good. Do you want some?”

Thomas took the ends of his sleeve and tried to wipe the rest of the tears off of his face before shakily standing up and slowly opening the stall door. Alex looked up and smiled, and handed a piece of toffee to Thomas. Thomas moved to the other side of Alex and sat down again, and slowly ate the candy.

They sat there in silence just eating the toffee, and Thomas was startled when the door to the bathroom was rattled.

“Don’t worry, I locked the door.” Alex said which let Thomas take a deep breath.

“Are you okay?”

“No.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.”

“Alright, well, I’m here if you want to talk.” Thomas just nodded and finished his toffee.

“That was really good.”

“My mom’s a great cook.”

“Hey Alex”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.” Alex just smiled and grabbed another piece of toffee for the both of them.

“He do you want to like, skip the rest of the day and go grab Taco Bell or something?” Alex asked.

“That sounds nice.” Alex smiled and handed Thomas his backpack. He hadn’t even noticed that he forgot it. Why was Alex being so nice? They hated each other, they always argued in class, and were constantly at each other’s throat.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” Thomas asked, as they stood up and started to head towards the parking lot.

“Because contrary to popular belief, I actually care about you.”

Maybe he wasn’t as alone as he thought he was.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment and tell me what you think!


End file.
